ling better. Then the situation
would get worse. Adam took a totally different approach. He invited her to lunch. They met at the
Google café, chatted a bit, and then he looked at her and jokingly asked, “Why do you hate me?”
Where I had failed repeatedly, Adam broke through. She asked why he would make that joke, which
gave him a chance to explain in a way she was able to hear.

Unfortunately, our sense of humor sometimes fails us when we need it most. When I get emotional,
it’s very hard for me to treat a problem lightly. I had been at Google about three months when an
uncomfortable situation erupted. I had started at the company reporting to Eric Schmidt but was
transitioning to work for Omid Kordestani. During that process, Omid and I had a major
misunderstanding. I went to discuss it with him, intending to explain calmly why I was upset, but as
soon as I started talking, I burst into tears. I was horrified to be crying in front of my new boss whom I

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barely knew—which just made more tears flow. But I got lucky. Omid was patient and reassuring,
insisting, “Everyone gets upset at work. It’s okay.”

3
Most women believe—and research suggests—that it is not a good idea to cry at work. It is never
something that I plan to do and is hardly recommended in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People, but on those rare occasions when I have felt really frustrated, or worse, betrayed, tears have
filled my eyes. Even as I have gotten older and more experienced, it still happens every so often.

I had been working at Facebook for almost a year when I learned that someone had said something
about me that was not just false, but cruel. I started telling Mark about it and, despite my best efforts,
started to cry. He assured me that the accusation was so untrue that no one could possibly believe it.
And then he asked, “Do you want a hug?” I did. It was a breakthrough moment for us. I felt closer to
him than ever before. I then recounted this story publicly, figuring that it might make it easier for
others who have faced unwanted tears. The press reported the incident as “Sheryl Sandberg cried on
Mark Zuckerberg’s shoulder,” which is not exactly what happened. What happened was that I
expressed my feelings and Mark responded with compassion.

Sharing emotions builds deeper relationships. Motivation comes from working on things we care ⑦⑦文⑦檔⑦共⑦享⑦與⑦在⑦線⑦閱⑦讀⑦
about. It also comes from working with people we care about. To really care about others, we have to
understand them—what they like and dislike, what they feel as well as think. Emotion drives both men
and women and influences every decision we make. Recognizing the role emotions play and being
willing to discuss them makes us better managers, partners, and peers.

I did not always understand this. I used to think that being professional meant being organized and
focused and keeping my personal life separate. Early on at Google, Omid and I would have a one-on-
one meeting each week. I would enter his office with a typed agenda and get right to it. I thought I was
being so efficient, but my colleague Tim Armstrong (who later became CEO of AOL) kindly pulled
me aside one day to give me some advice. He told me that I should take a moment to connect with
Omid before diving in. Since Omid and I were the only people in those meetings, it was clear who had
mentioned this to Tim. I made the adjustment and started asking Omid how he was before leaping into
my to-do list. It was a good lesson. An all-business approach is not always good business.