d noted, at times with great disappointment, that this was simply not something my
husband was equipped to do. Are there characteristics inherent in sex differences that make women
more nurturing and men more assertive? Quite possibly. Still, in today’s world, where we no longer
have to hunt in the wild for our food, our desire for leadership is largely a culturally created and
reinforced trait. How individuals view what they can and should accomplish is in large part formed by
our societal expectations.

19
From the moment we are born, boys and girls are treated differently. Parents tend to talk to girl
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babies more than boy babies. Mothers overestimate the crawling ability of their sons and
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underestimate the crawling ability of their daughters. Reflecting the belief that girls need to be helped
more than boys, mothers often spend more time comforting and hugging infant girls and more time
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watching infant boys play by themselves.

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Other cultural messages are more blatant. Gymboree once sold onesies proclaiming “Smart like
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Daddy” for boys and “Pretty like Mommy” for girls. The same year, J. C. Penney marketed a T-shirt
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to teenage girls that bragged, “I’m too pretty to do homework so my brother has to do it for me.”
These things did not happen in 1951. They happened in 2011.

Even worse, the messages sent to girls can move beyond encouraging superficial traits and veer into
explicitly discouraging leadership. When a girl tries to lead, she is often labeled bossy. Boys are
seldom called bossy because a boy taking the role of a boss does not surprise or offend. As someone
who was called this for much of my childhood, I know that it is not a compliment.

The stories of my childhood bossiness are told (and retold) with great amusement. Apparently,
when I was in elementary school, I taught my younger siblings, David and Michelle, to follow me
around, listen to my monologues, and scream the word “Right!” when I concluded. I was the eldest of
the neighborhood children and allegedly spent my time organizing shows that I could direct and clubs @@網@文@檔@下@載@與@在@線@閱@讀@
that I could run. People laugh at these accounts, but to this day I always feel slightly ashamed of my
behavior (which is remarkable given that I have now written an entire book about why girls should not
be made to feel this way, or maybe this partially explains my motivation).

Even when we were in our thirties, pointing out this behavior was still the best way for my siblings
to tease me. When Dave and I got married, David and Michelle gave a beautiful, hilarious toast, which
kicked off with this: “Hi! Some of you think we are Sheryl’s younger siblings, but really we were
Sheryl’s first employees—employee number one and employee number two. Initially, as a one-year-
old and a three-year-old, we were worthless and weak. Disorganized, lazy. We would just as soon spit
up on ourselves as read the morning paper. But Sheryl could see that we had potential. For more than
ten years, Sheryl took us under her wing and whipped us into shape.” Everyone laughed. My siblings
continued, “To the best of our knowledge Sheryl never actually played as a child, but really just
organized other child