honestly and sometimes imperfectly expressed. They believe leaders should
strive for authenticity over perfection. This shift is good news for women, who often feel obliged to
suppress their emotions in the workplace in an attempt to come across as more stereotypically male.
And it’s also good news for men, who may be doing the exact same thing.

I had the opportunity to see the power of authentic communication in a leader firsthand when I
served on the board of Starbucks. Howard Schultz was CEO of Starbucks from 1987 through 2000,
and during his tenure, the company grew from just a few stores into a global retail powerhouse.
Howard stepped down as CEO in 2000, and over the next eight years Starbucks’ performance faltered.
When Howard returned as CEO in 2008, he held a meeting with all of the company’s global managers
in New Orleans. He openly admitted that the company was in serious trouble. Then he allowed his
emotions to show, tearing up as he confessed that he felt that he had let down his employees and their
families. The entire company rose to the challenge. Starbucks turned around and delivered its highest
revenue and earnings a few years later.

Maybe someday shedding tears in the workplace will no longer be viewed as embarrassing or weak,
but as a simple display of authentic emotion. And maybe the compassion and sensitivity that have

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historically held some women back will make them more natural leaders in the future. In the
meantime, we can all hasten this change by committing ourselves to both seek—and speak—our truth.





7

Don’t Leave Before You Leave

A FEW YEARS AGO, a young woman at Facebook came to my desk and asked if she could speak to me
privately. We headed into a conference room, where she began firing off questions about how I
balance work and family. As the questions came faster and faster, I started to wonder about her
urgency. I interrupted to ask if she had a child. She said no, but she liked to plan ahead. I inquired if
she and her partner were considering having a child. She replied that she did not have a husband, then
added with a little laugh, “Actually, I don’t even have a boyfriend.”

It seemed to me that she was jumping the gun—big time—but I understood why. From an early age, ∫本∫作∫品∫由∫∫網∫友∫整∫理∫上∫傳∫
girls get the message that they will have to choose between succeeding at work and being a good
mother. By the time they are in college, women are already thinking about the trade-offs they will
1
make between professional and personal goals. When asked to choose between marriage and career,
2
female college students are twice as likely to choose marriage as their male classmates. And this
concern can start even younger. Peggy Orenstein, the author of Cinderella Ate My Daughter, related
the story of a five-year-old girl who came home distraught from her after-school program and told her
mother that both she and the boy she had a crush on wanted to be astronauts. When her mother asked
why that was a problem, the little girl replied, “When we go into space together, who will watch our
kids?” At five, she thought the most challenging aspect of space travel would be dependable child
care.

As I’ve mentioned, I’m a big believer in thoughtful preparation. Everywhere I go, I carry a little
notebook with my to-do list—an actual note