ences taught me that I needed to make both an intellectual and an emotional
adjustment. I learned over time that while it was hard to shake feelings of self-doubt, I could
understand that there was a distortion. I would never possess my brother’s effortless confidence, but I
could challenge the notion that I was constantly headed for failure. When I felt like I was not capable
of doing something, I’d remind myself that I did not fail all of my exams in college. Or even one. I
learned to undistort the distortion.

We all know supremely confident people who have no right to feel that way. We also all know
people who could do so much more if only they believed in themselves. Like so many things, a lack of
confidence can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don’t know how to convince anyone to believe
deep down that she is the best person for the job, not even myself. To this day, I joke that I wish I
could spend a few hours feeling as self-confident as my brother. It must feel so, so good—like
receiving a cosmic flat one every day.

When I don’t feel confident, one tactic I’ve learned is that it sometimes helps to fake it. I discovered
this when I was an aerobics instructor in the 1980s (which meant a silver leotard, leg warmers, and a
shiny headband, all of which went perfectly with my big hair). Influenced by the gospel of Jane
Fonda, aerobics also meant smiling solidly for a full hour. Some days, the smile came naturally. Other
days, I was in a lousy mood and had to fake it. Yet after an hour of forced smiling, I often felt
cheerful.

Many of us have experienced being angry with someone and then having to pretend everything’s
great in public. My husband, Dave, and I have our moments, and just when we are getting into it, it
will be time to go to a friend’s house for dinner. We put on our “everything’s great” smiles, and
amazingly, after a few hours, it often is.

Research backs up this “fake it till you feel it” strategy. One study found that when people assumed
a high-power pose (for example, taking up space by spreading their limbs) for just two minutes, their
dominance hormone levels (testosterone) went up and their stress hormone levels (cortisol) went
down. As a result, they felt more powerful and in charge and showed a greater tolerance for risk. A
12
simple change in posture led to a significant change in attitude.

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I would not suggest that anyone move beyond feeling confident into arrogance or boastfulness. No
one likes that in men or women. But feeling confident—or pretending that you feel confident—is
necessary to reach for opportunities. It’s a cliché, but opportunities are rarely offered; they’re seized.
During the six and a half years I worked at Google, I hired a team of four thousand employees. I did
not know all of them personally, but I knew the top hundred or so. What I noticed over the years was
that for the most part, the men reached for opportunities much more quickly than the women. When
we announced the opening of a new office or the launch of a new project, the men were banging down
my door to explain why they should lead the charge. Men were also more likely to chase a growth
opportunity even before a new opening was announced. They were impatient about their own
development and believed that they were capable of doing more. And they were often right—just like
my brother. The women, however, were more cautious about changing roles and seeking out new
challenges. I often found myself trying to persuade them to work in