by headlines and stories warning them that they
cannot be committed to both their families and careers. They are told over and over again that they
have to choose, because if they try to do too much, they’ll be harried and unhappy. Framing the issue
as “work-life balance”—as if the two were diametrically opposed—practically ensures work will lose
out. Who would ever choose work over life?

The good news is that not only can women have both families and careers, they can thrive while
doing so. In 2009, Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober published Getting to 50/50, a comprehensive
review of governmental, social science, and original research that led them to conclude that children,
parents, and marriages can all flourish when both parents have full careers. The data plainly reveal that
sharing financial and child-care responsibilities leads to less guilty moms, more involved dads, and
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thriving children. Professor Rosalind Chait Barnett of Brandeis University did a comprehensive
review of studies on work-life balance and found that women who participate in multiple roles
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actually have lower levels of anxiety and higher levels of mental well-being. Employed women reap
rewards including greater financial security, more stable marriages, better health, and, in general,
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increased life satisfaction.

It may not be as dramatic or funny to make a movie about a woman who loves both her job and her
family, but that would be a better reflection of reality. We need more portrayals of women as
competent professionals and happy mothers—or even happy professionals and competent mothers.
The current negative images may make us laugh, but they also make women unnecessarily fearful by
presenting life’s challenges as insurmountable. Our culture remains baffled: I don’t know how she
does it.

Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of
making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being
judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter.

Without fear, women can pursue professional success and personal fulfillment—and freely choose
one, or the other, or both. At Facebook, we work hard to create a culture where people are encouraged
to take risks. We have posters all around the office that reinforce this attitude. In bright red letters, one

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declares, “Fortune favors the bold.” Another insists, “Proceed and be bold.” My favorite reads, “What
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would you do if you weren’t afraid?”

In 2011, Debora Spar, president of Barnard College, an all-women’s liberal arts school in New
York City, invited me to deliver its commencement address. This speech was the first time I openly
discussed the leadership ambition gap. Standing on the podium, I felt nervous. I told the members of
the graduating class that they should be ambitious not just in pursuing their dreams but in aspiring to
become leaders in their fields. I knew this message could be misinterpreted as my judging women for
not making the same choices that I have. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I believe that choice
means choice for all of us. But I also believe that we need to do more to encourage women to reach for
leadership roles. If we can’t tell women to aim high at a college graduation, when can we?

As I addressed the enthusiastic wo